A lonely new year | Personal Journal #3

a lonely new year | personal journal
a lonely new year | personal journal

Here I am! On my bed, looking at the things in my room. Even the lifeless things in my room(fan, clock, mirror etc) seems to have life. While I, who is breathing, is lying on bed lifelessly. What an irony!
I blame my friend circle for my current condition. My friend circle is shrinking day-by-day(as if missing my college friends isn’t enough). Everyone is flying away, looking for new opportunities. I am already missing Nikhil, one of my best friend/neighbour, who went to Australia on 1st Jan for higher studies(what a perfect day to say goodbye!).  Ah, I tried my best to dissuade him from going to Australia but he wasn’t giving enough seriousness to my “Australia is full of tsunamis, karate-kicking kangaroos, active volcanos, poisonous snakes” threats.  Two more friends are waiting for their visa to get approved(God these IELTS coaching centres should be banned). Anyway, I am truly happy for them and I will miss them a lot(What else can I do). Let them sail towards new lands for success, while I tearfully look at them vanishing from the horizon.

This year has arrived with a warning-“brace yourselves for more lonely days.” Such lonely days make me realise why people don’t quit their job. Such lonely days make me realise why people are dying to enter and maintain a relationship. Unfortunately, I can’t try any of those because of my overthinking. When I really want to find a job or a relationship, a part of my mind stops me. It says -“hey Unni, the grass is greener on the other side.”
What the pessimist fragment of my mind wants to say is clear. Everything has a side effect. Job and relationships are good to keep loneliness at bay. But they also bring brand new problems. At that time, I would be longing to live the life which I am living right now. So there is no win-win situation for an ‘overthinker’. Either sacrifice free-time to get rid of loneliness(by doing office work or getting in a relationship) or have the infinite free-time(which I have right now) by embracing the loneliness. This dilemma will definitely haunt me for a long time.

It is a new year and in the first month itself I should be full of energy and I should have some inspiring resolutions. Like others, I should also be bragging about new year resolutions. But I am in no good mood to make great resolutions. Nevertheless, I have made two simple resolutions this year,

  • Read at least 18 books (easy-peasy, already finished reading a book (Metamorphosis by Kafka))
  • Get 6pack abs without hitting the gym (now this is challenging for a lazy introvert)

I hope chasing my resolutions will make me less lonely in the coming days.

By Unni Babu

Hi, I am Unni Babu. I am an artist,programmer(game developer+web developer). In short, i am Jack of all trades,master of none :-D For more info, click on my social network profiles listed on the homepage. Thank you so much for visiting my blog.

18 comments

  1. It’s ok to get sad dear, but please come out of it and stay strong. Try for job and you will get friends too.

  2. I also felt like that at a point of time when all my friends were flying to different states and countries.
    I hope you leave your loneliness behind soon..

  3. Unni, life is tough for an overthinker. We tend to suspect everything that comes our way. Loneliness is a disease that doesn’t go easily. I would not give you false hopes of everything being alright. But I wish for good things to come your way. I would say that do anything that makes you feel free and a little happy. If you think that a regular job and relationships is too much to take, then love the present life. It would be lonely, perhaps you can work out the solution for that too. U shouldn’t ever back down okay? It’s easier said than done but what else can we do?
    The resolutions are great btw!

    1. Ok i will love my present life 🙂
      and when you become millionaire, i will love my future life too … eeee 😀
      thanks yaar.. didn’t expect such detailed comment, love to read your thoughts <3

  4. Hey Unni, long time. It’s always good to read what you wrote, even though this time it was a bit sad one. Every down has a up. This situation too will change. I won’t say your way of thinking might change but something might. You take care of yourself Unni.

  5. Rightly said. With time, the pool of friends gets shrinking. While we lament on the lost connections, it’s important to find new paths, connect with new people and carry the conversation.

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