What happened to me? I have a good job at a startup company and I have money to buy almost everything in my tiny wishlist on Amazon and Flipkart. Why recurring thoughts to quit my job haunt me? It is true that the windows I have been seeing for two years are the windows OS on my laptop instead of real windows. It is also true that I am unable to find time for arts and spend quality time with kids that often visit me when I am home. The software developer job has been my source of money power. But some things in life comes with a need for sacrifice, whether it is a job or a relationship; Here what I have been sacrificing is my little happiness in the real world to earn money from the virtual world.
Building software is a laborious process and greedy clients are never satisfied. They change their views and plans whenever they wish, sometimes day before the deadline, which makes software making more complicated. Though I have a timetable for work, most of the days I have to work even in the midnights. The transformation is drastic — From sleeping like a log to awake like midnight owl. It has been adversely affecting my health— both physically and mentally.
Outside world observes IT employees as those people who have a dream job. A dream job with no physical effort and always relaxing on a comfy chair in an AC room. Despite all the luxuries of IT world, the job isn’t a satisfying experience for all. IT jobs also include: Work like a robot day and night to finish before the deadline and an unfair salary at the month end. Many employees wish to quit the job but financial or other family problems stand in between their wish and reality.
While I am scrolling random pictures on the internet, I see a picture of a train. Suddenly, a thought/ a vision comes to my mind. My heart has been longing for inner-peace and pleading to quit my job. The vision is a suicide, an escape from this illusion of a good job. What makes life miserable is sacrificing little happiness that I used to enjoy a lot. What makes life miserable is pretending to be happy. What makes life miserable is trying to gain more money and relationship, and relentlessly trying to impress people around us who are never content.
This time I listen to my heart and looks at the calendar and thinks— It is 26th Feb 2016. “Hmm.. Will wait for 29th Feb!!! That is a special day to quit my job.”
On 29th Feb 2016, I quit my job. Since it wasn’t a multi-national company, quitting was easy. I had finished all my works and didn’t take my pending salary as a compensation for my quitting. It was on that day the employee, the software guy in me committed suicide.
Now when I am writing this post, I have no plans for tomorrow or any regret of quitting my job. I may become a destitute old man or I may not survive middle age without a job, but at least I have some peace now. I am against the “never give up” motivational quote. Sometimes we have to give up before it is too late.
Fossils of my software life
My android Games/Apps on playstore (least recommended) 😀